May we never forget to leave home
I consider myself an experienced traveler, I dare say I am even good at it. I have my passport number memorized. I advocate to all who will listen to please sign up for sky miles. I dress nicely (either a skirt or a dress) refusing the safari vest/quick dry pants/hiking shoes tourist uniform. I try to stay off the Gringo trail and use any travel guide other than the Lonely Planet. And, most of all - I do my homework; I watch and read as much as I can before I arrive in a country so I am informed. So. Bolivia, what are you doing to me? I love you, but your system is absurd. These last three weeks have almost killed me.
Bolivia, this is what you have taught me:
Paying for a plane ticket does not guarantee your reservation, you must confirm it in the following two ways:
1. Bolivar allows you to call in, but you cannot call from just any call center. The telephone number must match the telephone service, ie - TIGO phone = TIGO line
Even having a native spanish speaker with you, albeit Catalan, does not ensure success
2. If you are flying TAM, you must physically go to their office. When I asked them why you can´t do it online, they just repeated that you must come to their office. Note that going to the airport is pointless, only the military desk is open, the internationl branch is located in Plaza Constitucion.
Never buy from a travel company in the US. If so, you risk owning a ticket that used a system to find the cheapest available tickets. While logical, they do not like this at TAM. If this happens to you, you will show up to confirm your flight only to be told you have to buy another ticket entirely because your first one is void. As of April 30, TAM does not work with AeroSur. You will recieve no prior notice to inform you of this (Practice your travel vocabulary, all the conversations will be held in Spanish)
Before buying a second ticket, go immediately to skype and call customer service for a refund. Do not get angry at the nice man in India, because of the distance, the echo allows you to hear how rude you are being. Although, continue to fight like its your money, even if your university is paying for the ticket and the new price works out to a better cost ($3 margin)
After all that, when the former-president sells off the airline to cut a World Bank deal, your best best option is still the military airline TAM.
Never take Dorado buses, they are infamous for drunk driving.
Furthermore, three days before a bus trip, don't read newspapers or glance at headlines - the automobile accident pictures are not censored
Try everything to reserve a ¨bus cama¨or ¨¨semicama¨ for long trips, when the Bolivar rep says they have none available, send your friend to another company to scout out the competition. When found, leave the counter and immediately book reservie it. If you don´t know the last names of your new-found traveling posse, make them up
Save money for the national tax, otherwise you can´t get out
If you hear fireworks during the day, it is a protest - find out who is striking and make alternative transportation plans
Maps are not that important, use graffiti as landmarks - its more interesting. If you are in Cochabamba, you will receive a political education - this is high class work, they use soundbites like neoliberalism
When in doubt, just use skype. It never gets old telling the customer service representative that you cannot give a number (in case you are disconnected) because you are calling from abroad
You must bring your own lock even if you pay $4 and your only option is to stay at the normally priced $2 local hostel. Yet, this won't ensure that there will the appropriate number of beds for 6 people (located in separate rooms)or that that a random Bolivian man will take the bed reserved for the driver.
Any tour company with the world "solidarity" in their logo can be trusted to guide you to Toro Toro, land of the dinosaurs
Do what you must to access the news, particularly if it is for the first time in 2 months. (Adding just the right amount of tension to the chord be stretching it across the room until taut is the trick)
Having an official despedida does not mean you won't be so determined to come back you will fly while sick (they can´t stop you from boarding if you just tell them No, you cannot go see the airport doctor who is working at gate one)
You need the month of June to get a 6 day tourist visa:
-Start by reserving a minimum of 6 days to accumulate all the paperwork, since every service is decentralized, it works out to be about a day for each task (printing forms, making copies, having color photos made)
-You will need the patience for one walking tour of Cochabamba to discover there is no longer a Paraguayan consolate in CBB and therefore the online information is wrong
- A fluent Spanish speaker is convenient for calling the Embassy to confirm credit card information is standard or with a 7 number saga to find the actual location of a Paraguayan State representative
- If you try to work on your visa during the morning in Cochabamba, walk to your destination - this will ensure you will miss the traffic caused by the standard protest, but allow you to still see the marcha.
- When the riot police pass you, don't stare!
- To be safe, change your ¨intention of travel¨ from the Americas Social Forum to generic tourism
- block off more than enough days in La Paz, you must arrive before Independence Day and any holiday
- Don´t finish the argument with the employees, let them tell you to re-do your paperwork by hand, even though everyone knows its more convenient to use the typed version
-Having a flexible schedule, such as no real job or kids, is more convenient when you are forced to take 2 mornings off to finalize the process
- Finally... never make a political statement or offer statistics when going through this process for the first time. They don't care that Arizona is being sued by the United States government or that between 1980-1986 (the height of the dirty wars in Latin America) only 341 people received legal entry into the US from the 30, 000 who applied
If it is your first trip, and you didn't know you would need a lock in the rainforest, strategically place items (books, bumper stickers, indigenous weaving) to show that your are on the side of the people
20 hours on a bus with 5 am arrivals is worth it if you see The White City and one white lamb
Finally, when your Bolivian dad literally blesses you with the Sign of the Cross in the airport, add your own prayer for Traveling Mercies-
